holiday cards for complex situations
"Sooo Mom, that's not my holiday any more."
Sending holiday cards is at best a joy, at worst agony, and always a ton of work. For those with complicated relationships with loved ones, it can get...fraught. Especially if said loved ones don’t share or even know your beliefs.
You can send cards that let you be yourself, gracefully and without stress.
For many people, it’s not a big deal. For others, performing to expectations is a valuable part of family harmony and connection, at least for now. This is what Mild Regards is all about. There are more options than "lie about who you are / how you feel" and "distance yourself entirely".
Let’s get clever. For example, if your family is Jewish and you aren’t, send a card with blue-and-white snowflakes instead of a menorah, and time its arrival for just before the first day of Hanukkah. Alternatively, if you are Jewish and your family isn’t, those same blue-and-white snowflakes + cheery note can quietly honor your own beliefs while reaching out to them in a way that feels compatible with theirs. There are similar ideas below for those who celebrate Christmas, Diwali, the Solstice, or nothing at all.
So! Here are inscription ideas, beautifully vague cards for sale, and a list of winter holidays with suggested shipping dates for 2023.
Pro tip: New Year’s cards
You can just sidestep the whole issue. We received a family photo card one year that said “Let us be the first to wish you a happy New Year!” and it was a delight. Everyone participates in the civil calendar.
And it’s easy to explain. “We’re so swamped in December we decided our family is starting a new tradition of New Year’s cards. That lets us focus on what is really important in December.” Like your sanity, and not picking fights you don’t need to.
But if New Years cards aren’t quite right, read on. Vagueness + beauty to the rescue. (Heads up, our cards are still in production, so these awesome cards are affiliate links: your price stays the same and I get a couple pennies.)
What to write
“Season’s Greetings and Happy Holidays” feels like something your dentist’s office sends in bulk. Instead, try a specific wish or warm statement:
Wishing we could frost cookies and catch snowflakes together.
Do you wanna build a snowman? 🎶
I can just see you hanging the wreath / making your rangoli now.
Missing you this year.
Here’s my favorite cookie recipe / I’ll be making your latkes this year.
May your cocoa be extra sweet.
May all your string lights stay untangled!
Schrödinger’s Card: neither secular nor not, til you say so
Go for pop-up cards, gorgeous art, and handmade cards—anything that distracts from what you aren’t saying.
Stars and snow are great. After all, it is a time of wonder. “Warmth” is a great word for holiday love wrapped in vagueness.
You can use color and nonreligious, holiday-adjacent symbols to imply a connection to your loved ones’ holiday. For instance, a red-and-gold snowflake pop-up reads more Christmassy, where the blue snowflakes may lean more Hanukkah:
Nature is secular, and also lovely. A few favorites include a pop-up winter bouquet, cardinal pop-up card, hummingbird pop-up card, deer with warm wishes, or fox with wonder and joy.
Skip the obvious religious symbols, of course: no Nativity scenes, Christmas trees, menorahs, dreidels, Ganesha and the lotus, etc.
Depending on how you feel, you may want to lean on nutcrackers and ornaments and small animals in Santa hats, or you may want to dodge those entirely. For some people, Santa is just another Tooth Fairy, and stockings are generic happy consumerism. For those raised in a non-Christian tradition, those can be totally Christmassy and other-ing. (For example, don’t inflict Hanukkah balls on someone, or even a present if someone’s asked you not to.)
…but the magic one is light
Cards that focus on light are tailor-made for Diwali, Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. If you write something vague but significant sounding, it can be interpreted with the recipient’s lens.
Examples include this pop-up candle card, quilled candle card, night sky card, peace warmth and light card.
You might write something like,
May you and yours enjoy all the warmth and light the season brings
May your home be filled with joy & light
Wishing you and yours all the light of the season
And if you have new beliefs dear to your heart, chances are light can mean something special to you too, as you send it. Whether you’re thinking of the Light of the World or the light returning to the world at Solstice, you can send your warm wishes with honesty. Or your lukewarm wishes, as the case may be.
Bonus: When to Mail Cards in the U.S.
As usual, the U.S. Postal Service is besieged, so even though cards can arrive in a matter of days they often don’t. In case it’s useful, here are 2023 winter holiday dates and suggested ship-by dates:
Diwali was November 12 this year, so cards sent now will be late, though surely appreciated
Hanukkah is December 7 – December 15, mail cards by Nov. 24
Bodhi Day is December 8 on the civil calendar or January 18 by the lunar calendar, mail by Nov. 25
Solstice is December 21, mail by Dec. 7
Civil/Gregorian calendar Christmas is December 25 and USPS is most swamped in the weeks leading up to it, so mail ASAP / by Dec. 10 or be prepared to remind your loved ones that the 12 Days of Christmas last til Epiphany
Kwanzaa is December 26 to January 1, mail by Dec. 12
New Year’s Day is January 1, mail by Dec. 18
Julian Calendar Christmas is January 7, mail by Dec. 23
But honestly, a card is an act of love. Anything worth doing is still worth doing late.
And, if you have any specific card inscriptions you can’t figure out, leave a comment or drop an email. I love a challenge.
Love the "When to Mail Cards in the U.S." section!