First: for those who find this holiday to be full of grief, know that you aren’t alone. This holiday brings up feelings all over the place. Yearning for a different relationship, grief over infertility or child loss, rage at the division of labor in your household/world. Sometimes even all tumbled together with gratitude for what is. Life is complicated. Be kind to yourself.
Second: if you would like to honor your mom, or your MIL, or your grandma, or your stepmom, or your ex-wife / mother of your children, huzzah. Let’s do this thing.
I’m assuming if it were easy for you you wouldn’t be reading this, three days before Mother’s Day ‘23. So here are some low-bandwidth options that are worth giving.
The secret: It’s all in the packaging.
No, seriously. Imagine a $500 gift tailored to her tastes delivered in a plastic shopping bag with the receipt still scrunched at the bottom. It feels careless, right?
image by Tatiana Shadrina via UnSplash
Now imagine a small, tasteful gift carefully wrapped or tucked into a gift bag with extra tissue paper. It feels good, it feels intentional. A $5 gift carefully wrapped in $5 of supplies can often feel more special than a gift twice as spendy.
If you’re out of funds or into zero-waste, wrap the gift in an old map or sheet music or kraft paper bag and tie it with kitchen twine or a bit of yarn or one of those thin satin ribbons that’s supposed to hold your sweater on a hanger but that always breaks. Just tuck a sprig of greenery off a nearby bush into the knot.
Now, what to give her? In 72 hours or less.
If you do art, crafts, etc and have one hour + emotional bandwidth:
Knit 2 dishcloths, sew a pair of scrunchies or reusable bags, follow a quick watercolor flower tutorial to make a bookmark, write a limerick, insert craft of choice.
Pros: automatically feels extra special, even if it’s not perfectly to her taste. And if you use stashed supplies you don’t have to leave the house.
Cons: well, it’s work. And if you worked exceedingly hard on a gift, it can be hard to give it loosely.
If words are your love language:
Come up with some compliments you truly mean (is she generous? a master negotiator? does she create beauty in the garden, or in the kitchen?) and write those in a card. (Mary Van Geffen has ideas here.) Write down a happy memory or a moment that made you admire her. Write down one good thing you notice she contributes to you or to the world.
Or, y’know, don’t. Grab a pretty blank floral card and write “Here’s to you!” with a big ol’ heart and move on.
If she has not audibly objected to flowers:
They are classic for a reason. If you bring your own vase, recycled bottle, or mason jar to a local florist, you can often buy a striking single stem and some greenery for under $10. Even the cheap filler waxflower looks stunning in a big bunch.
If you have $6 and a Target nearby:
This tea is fantastic and awfully pretty in its tin. It comes in Earl Grey, cherry blossom green, and this vanilla decaf I drink regularly.
A highly-specific gift card feels like holding space for her interests.
If she has a favorite hobby, a gift card to a store that only stocks her hobby can feel like an actual gift. That is to say, $25 at Target is going to disappear in groceries and feels impersonal. The same $25 at her favorite mystery bookstore / yarn shop / fancy kitchen shop / native plant nursery / chocolaterie is either enough to buy something special, or to upgrade what she would have bought anyway into something extra special.
If you need an instant gift and can’t think of a specific store that feels personal to her, there are some great, independently-owned gift shops that will email her a gift card and ship her chosen gift internationally like Silver in the City, Catbird Jewelry, or Penzeys Spices.
I know it isn’t easy, and the expectations of the day can be fraught. And yet, there’s beauty in being present in our imperfection…thank goodness.
Here’s to showing love and honoring people as they are.