Father's Day Cards for a Mediocre Dad
Look, not every parent can be #1, okay? We still LOVE them.
Nobody wants to be googling “card for mediocre dad” a week before Father’s Day. At the same time, a parent doesn’t have to be perfect to be loved.
If you are planning to send a card this Father’s Day, and especially if you are standing in a grocery-store card aisle reading each one with gritted teeth, hello and welcome. Let’s make this easier.
There’s two weeks til Father’s Day in the US (it’s Sunday, June 16th), so if you are planning to order a card online you should buy it…well, now, because USPS suggests mailing cards 8 business days before Father’s Day, which would be Wednesday, June 8th. But, as How to Keep House While Drowning says, anything worth doing is still worth doing half-assed. If the best you can do is to mail it late, do that.
Whatever your dad is like, whether you need a Bridge or a Barrier, there is a card for that. In fact, here are lots of cards, with inspiringly clever wording. But if nothing you see is quite right for you, holler at me in the comments section. I’d be happy to help.
Quick recap: Bridges are vague and positive, and they must be true. Bridges let you reach out. Barriers are for protection. They don’t reveal your true thoughts, but let you be true to yourself, and they don’t do harm.
For the dad who offers lots of help (whether or not it is precisely the help you want):
Bridge: “Dad, thanks for helping me grow” from Oh Deer cards
Barrier: “Thanks for being my dad” from Oblation
For the dad who loves dad jokes:
Bridge: “Happy I can now admit your dad jokes are hilarious day” from Space Pig
Barrier: “Dad is Dad spelled backwards” from Oblation
For the dad who is really invested in how well you reflect on him:
Bridge: A blank popup of an old red truck (write, “You’re a classic!”) from Hallmark or a blank plaid card that says DAD from Oblation
Barrier: “Sports guy chest bump” from Oblation
For the dad who made great childhood memories for you:
Bridge: “Dads like you are hard to find” (featuring Bigfoot) from Lovepop
Barrier: “Dad, you’re a fungi!” (with mushrooms) from Lovepop
For the dad who provided a great home:
Bridge: “Thanks for all you do” from Hallmark
Barrier: “Here is a lock so no one can break in and organize your garage” from Oblation
For the dad who cares:
Bridge: “I guess all those years of worry finally paid off” from Oblation (nonbinary-friendly!)
Barrier: “Sorry for always leaving the lights on. I get it now” from Space Pig
My favorite ever card, which I don’t see for sale at the moment, read “Who has the best lawn? You do!”
As always, remember to be kind to yourself. My favorite thing on complex holidays is to send a second card to someone who has brought simple joy to my life.
Happy Father’s Day, everybody.